Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
do nipples grow back?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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