I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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