you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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