I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
