The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
