AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
