my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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