Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
