After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
