You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
