Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I intend to get homeless drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
