looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
