I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
