i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
