omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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