why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
