I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
