just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
