I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
