i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
