I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
