He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
