The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
