hotel room ftw
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
