On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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