so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
