I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
