i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
