I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
