so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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