I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
