tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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