At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
