need another drink. this is the easiest way
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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