I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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