I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I sprained my soul last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
