the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
