How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
