She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
