dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize