I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
