this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
