my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
