see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
