never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
