I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she looked like the before picture.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
