Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
