I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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