Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
