I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
