someone threw a dead crab at me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
