i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
