If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we're making bets on your personal life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
