Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just want nice things and good sex
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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